Monday's Memoir: Slumped with Burning

Louis Lang,  The Invalid

it was nearing october
in a new, old house
my children so young
twins still in diapers and needing a lot of attention

i was ill - a firey fever left me near comatose
utter agony on the couch...
delirious
no medicine
getting worse by the hour
didn't think to get up and call anyone
Sam was gone, can't even remember where

the kids were so hungry
rummaging for bread and whatever
they ended up eating the whole loaf that day
i remember thinking, at least they've had food
they are still alive
it will have to do

and then wondering how on earth
i would rise to change those diapers
i don't know how long it took me
it was a little surreal
it was the feat of the day, diaper changing.

as the day darkened
loneliness and paranoia for my babies overcame me
what have i done?
i realized while laying there,
i don't take care of myself very well when i am sick
i wait too long, let it get too bad

next time, if there is a next time (i dramatically lamented) -
i will nip it in the bud
or call somebody for heaven's sake
for my kids' sake

blurry recollections of a dark day
during a most beautiful time of year.