Food-Hoarding: A Confession of Weakness(es)

Once upon a few years ago while my children were napping, I made a large cookie sheet full of chocolaty cake brownies. I hid them from my children. When they woke, I directed them downstairs to play. This was so I could eat MY brownies upstairs. Alone. Mine.

In an effort to be more removed from potential mooching, I left the kitchen and stood in the living room holding a mountainous plateful. I began stuffing my face and getting lost in hot, chewy-moist, chocolate bliss.

BAMBAMBAM!

I was stunned out of my sugar coma by the clamouring of little children racing upstairs. They were calling my name. I panicked and feeling cornered, I looked around, frantically searching for a place to stash the shameful evidence of my vacation in gluttony. I moved with earnest celerity, clumsily shoving my plate behind a frame that stood atop the fireplace mantel. I chewed as quickly as I could and swallowed hard, not turning to face my expectant offspring until the evidence was completely "taken care of". When I finally faced those little faces- well- I felt... mingy.

Despite my shame, I did not share. I ate all of it. In secret. I can't remember exactly, but I may have lied about it, too. I have vague memories of an inquisitive boy making nosy observations about the smell of the house and crumbs on the floor.

To this day I can't imagine what was going on in my brain that made it necessary for me to have that entire pan all to myself and not relinquish a single bite of it. Not even with my own children. Not even three little pieces, for My Own.

I really am baffled. I've tried to make sense of it. Maybe I needed a break, to get OUT, have something of MY own- and since I was beholden to my home bound responsibilities- I used food (once again) as my escape from "real life".

Or maybe I just really, really like brownies? I wouldn't put it past me.

It was what it was. That's as conclusive as I can get.

***

This memory has led me to thinking about weakness. What I view to be some of the most humiliating, inexcusable, frustrating and/or lame weaknesses, shortcomings and vices to have-- I've got 'em.

Is this true with you? Compared with other weaknesses, do your particular shortcomings seem more vile, or more detrimental (even intolerable, when you see those same shortcomings in someone else)? Is this perception developed because our own weaknesses provide an intimate understanding of of how stifling they are to personal growth? Am I just stating the obvious? Am I managing to state anything with any bit of clarity? (For me, to formulate a coherent thought is often a great struggle).

That is all for today.

Not...

P.S. (I know, I can just keep going...and going). I would have uploaded some tantalizing photos of brownies, but an ambiguous pop-up regarding "internal errors" has informed me that no photos will be posted today. And until my computer decides to be more helpful in telling me what that actually means, I may never post a photo again.