Not So Shining Moments...

It was 13 years ago.  There was an old woman, fixed up and artsy.  She was a distant relative (through marriage) who happened to live nearby.  She suddenly appeared in my life when I gave birth to my first baby.

One or two mornings a week, I opened the door to a most friendly greeting.  Soft white hair in an up-do.  Fresh lip-stick. Bright painted eyes.  A jump-suit.  On her way to a weekly exercise class, she would stop in, bearing something she found in her home that I might be able to use.  Herbal tea, a plastic sheet to protect the crib mattress, brooches made of tiny watch parts and other beautiful things which she pieced together with her own hands (she would have made a killing if Etsy had existed back then).   She'd ask how I was feeling, how motherhood was going and offer words of encouragement.  I liked her.  She was vibrant and friendly and creative. 

Still, I was shy and very uncomfortable with the visits.  I also was very uncomfortable with motherhood.  Here was this precious little boy which I adored - but I had no confidence in my abilities to care for him.  It was a monumental learning curve, and I was struggling.  Alongside this handicap,  I did not posess the skills to be an adequate hostess.

And yet, every Tuesday (sometimes more often) this sweet woman appeared at my door - always fixed up,  always bearing gifts and a smile.  I'm sure I was polite.  I knew how to smile and be friendly...

My regret?  I never thanked her.  I mean, I'm sure I said, "thank you" when she handed me her weekly gifts.  But, I never fully opened the doors and invited her in for a visit.  I even minimized her offerings, inwardly chuckling at the "leftovers" she brought me.   I never thanked her for her time, her willingness to give to some young mother she hardly knows. 

I am so ashamed to even think of it, it's difficult to type it out.

***

How many people do that?  How many people take what they have, make a little time to visit someone they hardly know.  Check in.  Smile and share.  Try to connect and help. 

She was an angel and I was clueless.
I missed an opportunity of gaining a friendship with a truly interesting, kind and beautiful person.

I write about this in an attempt to cement a few things I've learned from this experience: 

-It's too late to thank her now.  These small opportunities are fleeting.  Maybe someday I will get the chance (I hope).

-I don't want to miss another opportunity to grow a friendship or express gratitude.

-I want to be a better example to my kids by being more like my angel visitor from years ago.
 
-The next time I am cued that I behaved badly (because I was), then I hope to be humble and hurry to make it right, before it's too late. 

The tea is gone.  The sheets have been given to someone else.  And she's gone.   But I know I still have that brooch in a keepsake box somewhere.   I am tempted to dig it out.  It would be a pretty little reminder to be beautiful like she was and to never miss an opportunity to show gratitude, or make a friend.