I'm Giving Myself 30 Minutes, Tops...

...to type this.  Distractions, or not.


Writing about my pregnancy.  I feel like I have to officially "out" myself on the blog, even though everyone that reads this blog already knows.

Christmas morning

We're having a baby!  He's a boy!  We are so excited!

And we planned it, okay?  I only say that, because almost everyone has asked (understandably) - and the one's that haven't, I can tell, are wondering.  Although, I think it's a funny question, "Did you plan this?".   I am always tempted to respond by saying, "Of course I planned it.  I got married, and we do "married" stuff - how could anyone ever be surprised by a baby?"  But aside from the obvious risk of procreative activities, we planned, expected, and hoped for a baby.

The other question I am not as often asked out loud is, "Why?  You are almost free".  It's true.  My kids have been in school for a several years now.  We can go on rides together at Lagoon.  I can tan by the swimming pool while the kids run and play and check in.  It's been really fun.  I have loved it.  Eddie wants to train for a triathlon with me next year and that sounds like so much fun.  I LOVE this stage of my life!

And yet...

I am sad the first day of school every year.  I can't stand coming home to an empty house.

Also, now that I can see how fast those baby and toddler side-kick years go,  I see that I will be "free" again, soon enough.

I miss kissing a peach-fuzzed newborn head.

I miss story time with a little in my lap.

And the smiles and coos a mom gets when she goes to get her baby in the morning.  Oh man, that is the best.

I want the burden of family.  To be confined more to home.  They keep me young and excited about life and all that's in it.  I don't really want to be "free".  Of course, by this time next year I might change my tune a bit and want out of the house for a spell so I can PLEASE regain some sanity.  

Being bound to children has been such a sweet and deep joy in my life.  And I'm not one of those "natural" mothers, either!  I never enjoyed babysitting as a kid.  I struggle to be patient.  To do the sitting and teaching along side my kids.  I don't do well with distractions.  I love my quiet time.  I love my sleep.  I am a lousy homemaker (though I am really trying).

Trying to be domestic and green and perfect.  End up making a mess and almost burning by baby...

But I swear, nothing makes me feel so rich as my family, so we are going to make it a little bigger.   It has been so long since I've had a baby, it almost doesn't feel real.  Which is probably why I haven't blogged about it, yet.   I almost don't want to get my hopes up. 

And truthfully, I'm nervous.  I'm settled and used to the way things are. This will change everything for me, again.  Despite wanting to be confined to home, I know it will feel claustrophobic at times.  I also remember this feeling before, of wondering how I will love a new baby without taking from my other children.  How will this new person fit in?  I remember also learning that the love grows.  My love will grow, and this baby will be loved by all of us.

Pretty sweet stuff.  Aaaaannd, my time is up....