Wyatt:

Like a little cherub,

A soft, loose crown of curls,

Cheeks that squeeze your eyes shut

When you smile so big.

You feel the need to love

Up you get -- you don’t wait --

Making your way around the table

Kissing the knees (as high as you can reach)

One by one, each receives this sweet token.

I know you still shower love

As far as you can reach,

Kissing those you adore however you can --

You keep shining bright,

Pure love and light without hesitation,

It is who you are.

Like a Rolling Stone

Yesterday I was driving with my daughter.
We had the music on loud
we were singing.

Like a flash, I saw you- in her place.
I heard your laugh, which I love so much.
We were road-trippin'.  Remember?

Loud music
Bob Dylan
"This is my personal anthem"
you said.  And you sang every word, with feeling.
Swaying, eyes closed.

When you are happy,
the light that shines from you is the
sweetest
warmest.

You introduced me to the White Stripes that day
I became obsessed.
It was a thing we could share,
which was nice, because - let's be honest

We didn't share a whole lot
It's hard for you
To find a place to fit in.
Hard for me, too, to meet you where you are.
The prettiest misfit I ever saw - that's you.
How does it feel?

We all have our stuff, the stuff that makes life hard work.
But your lot, dear girl - it's a puzzle to me.
So I struggle
But not with liking you, or loving you.
You make that really easy.  It's a gift you have, I think.

And so when I saw your vision there
My eyes stung and my heart broke.
Last week I said some things I shouldn't have,
(even though I meant every word).
Still,
I should have taken more time.
I forgot about the fine print-
that part of you that says;

More patience required. 
No, more than that... 
but it's worth it.

I lost sight of the bigger picture.

Pushed too hard, and you say you're through. done.
That's new for me (but probably inevitable).
So now you're in the dark
(again)
And we ever wait.

To hear you laugh again, dear girl.
That would be sweet music.
Because that personal anthem of yours has a few things wrong;

You are known.
You are loved.
You have a home.
And we ever wait.

Bread is the Word.

Some people wear emblems on jewelry, or as a tatoo: It might say,

Peace. 
Or Light.
or Love
or Om
or something in chinese that is supposed to mean one the above words.

and no explanation is needed.  You seet it.  You get it.  It may even inspire you.

Well,
My new favorite piece of jewelry has raised a few eyebrows and I feel I need to expalain:

That's right.  This chubby girl is walking around with a necklace that says "Bread 2014".


It's not because I love bread (even though I really, really do).

At Christmastime, My grandparents challenged each of us to look at all the names in the scriptures that have been given to Jesus Christ.  (The Savior, The Redeemer, The Holy one of Israel, The living Water, The Bread of Life, etc etc).  Then we were challenged to pick one, and look for ways in which Jesus fulfills that name.

I'm embarrassed to even write this, but this name stuck out to me partially because  I have been struggling with my weight ever since Bo was born, and it was becoming a real negative focus in my life.  The instant I read "bread of life" in relation to the Savior I realized that I am really missing something.  It wasn't just that I was carrying extra weight.  I just wasn't well in general.  I realized in that moment,

My focus needs to shift in a big way. 

Fast forward a week or so into the New Year, and I received an email from my mother in law asking me and all my sisters in law to pick a focus word for the year.

Not wanting to be overwhelmed by too many resolutions,  I timidly submitted "Bread" with an explanation, knowing that it didn't sound that pretty.

About a month later I received this wonderful gift.  My necklace.  It came at a time when I was losing my initial zeal for the name I had chosen and it rekindled my desire to focus on this name.

I love my necklace! Such a sweet and thoughtful gift.  My husband loves to tease me about it ("Mmmmm, bread!" he says, whenever he sees me wear it).

I am making a goal to submit something I learned about "Bread" each week (hopefully)...

12 Things (Only One Third of Them are Irritants).

I am reading The Wednesday Wars by Gary D. Schmidt (cute book, so far).  We are reading this in my book club group and when I learned it was juvenile fiction, I decided I would read it aloud to my children.  It is a last stitch effort to do at least one constructive and educational activity this summer, before school begins again.


This was my view when I finished the chapter and looked up at my brood: 12 Observations follow:

1.  "Hey mom, make sure you take a picture of my good side"- then he turns, just so.

2. Vibram 5 Finger shoes. My boys are big fans.  Me, not so much.  They get stinky.

3. Hence, the foot powder, which has been left on the arm of the sofa (a huge pet peeve of mine, because things left there end up falling on the floor making mess and racket).

4. Another pet peeve.  These cushions.  Which always look mashed and messy.

5.  Pet peeve #3.  The remote control left on top of squishy cushion, to inevitably be dug out from inside the sofa later on by an irritated Dad.

6.  I actually used a blur feature in a futile attempt to cover up the messiness and lack of design in my house.

7.  Marmalade:  the beast with which I compete in seeking affection from Sam.

8.  My only sweet girl.

9.  The pink swing my sister lent me, which has stirred a surprising many (albeit brief) conversations about nature vs. nurture of gender in relation to the color of baby supplies...REALLY, PEOPLE. 

10.  The only evidence (jacket dumped on the floor = PP#4) of a lovely evening prior, in the mountains, with delicious dutch oven food, and good friends.  I should have brought my camera.

11.  Proof that I wasn't seeing the trees for the forest whilst constructing this photo.  Makes it a better one, so it is okay.

12.  Sleeping baby in stripes = adorable.  Also, the reason I am having to type this post with only one hand.



***
I almost made this a " 21 things" post.  I really could of done it...is that sad?

I'm Giving Myself 30 Minutes, Tops...

...to type this.  Distractions, or not.


Writing about my pregnancy.  I feel like I have to officially "out" myself on the blog, even though everyone that reads this blog already knows.

Christmas morning

We're having a baby!  He's a boy!  We are so excited!

And we planned it, okay?  I only say that, because almost everyone has asked (understandably) - and the one's that haven't, I can tell, are wondering.  Although, I think it's a funny question, "Did you plan this?".   I am always tempted to respond by saying, "Of course I planned it.  I got married, and we do "married" stuff - how could anyone ever be surprised by a baby?"  But aside from the obvious risk of procreative activities, we planned, expected, and hoped for a baby.

The other question I am not as often asked out loud is, "Why?  You are almost free".  It's true.  My kids have been in school for a several years now.  We can go on rides together at Lagoon.  I can tan by the swimming pool while the kids run and play and check in.  It's been really fun.  I have loved it.  Eddie wants to train for a triathlon with me next year and that sounds like so much fun.  I LOVE this stage of my life!

And yet...

I am sad the first day of school every year.  I can't stand coming home to an empty house.

Also, now that I can see how fast those baby and toddler side-kick years go,  I see that I will be "free" again, soon enough.

I miss kissing a peach-fuzzed newborn head.

I miss story time with a little in my lap.

And the smiles and coos a mom gets when she goes to get her baby in the morning.  Oh man, that is the best.

I want the burden of family.  To be confined more to home.  They keep me young and excited about life and all that's in it.  I don't really want to be "free".  Of course, by this time next year I might change my tune a bit and want out of the house for a spell so I can PLEASE regain some sanity.  

Being bound to children has been such a sweet and deep joy in my life.  And I'm not one of those "natural" mothers, either!  I never enjoyed babysitting as a kid.  I struggle to be patient.  To do the sitting and teaching along side my kids.  I don't do well with distractions.  I love my quiet time.  I love my sleep.  I am a lousy homemaker (though I am really trying).

Trying to be domestic and green and perfect.  End up making a mess and almost burning by baby...

But I swear, nothing makes me feel so rich as my family, so we are going to make it a little bigger.   It has been so long since I've had a baby, it almost doesn't feel real.  Which is probably why I haven't blogged about it, yet.   I almost don't want to get my hopes up. 

And truthfully, I'm nervous.  I'm settled and used to the way things are. This will change everything for me, again.  Despite wanting to be confined to home, I know it will feel claustrophobic at times.  I also remember this feeling before, of wondering how I will love a new baby without taking from my other children.  How will this new person fit in?  I remember also learning that the love grows.  My love will grow, and this baby will be loved by all of us.

Pretty sweet stuff.  Aaaaannd, my time is up....

Blessed Three Times and Forever...

One
is the one who calls to inform me
he is at the widow's house
helping her sort out shoes
which will be given to those in need,
and then he'd like to go and play.

Two
is the one, barely a decade old
who has an SAT score
marked repeatedly with
PHS
(post high school)
but will always defer to his mother
because he cares about feelings more than anything else

Three
is the one who cannot be told
determined to learn in her own way -
and in her own world.
i am not at all nervous.
she is unbreakable in her happiness,
dancing always to a song in her heart.




*darling photo courtesy of Lizzie Carter. (click on her name to see some great photog skills.  you won't be sorry.)

Cousins Breeze In From the Windy City, Adventure Ensues...

In the beginning, it was the perfect weather for a hike

The foliage was uncommonly green and full (lots of precipitation in our lovely Deseret this year)

Uncle Ed felt particularly daring, or just really wanted a short cut.  It looked simple enough, the log "path"

 

But then the log began to bow and shake, like it might buckle.  And the ground underneath was further down than it had appeared from the trail...

He was in a pickle - what could we do, but take some video?  the background conversation is Grandpa offering some serious money to the little kids, if they would dare cross this log.

 

We settled on doing some dares on safer logs.  (The kids are trying to cross without falling into the "lava")

We finally reached the lookout point and the view was gorgeous as we watched the rain come down in the valley

We spent some leisurely moments up there

  

And just when we began to head back down, it began to rain.  And get dark.  It was quite the trek back but the kids were troopers!  I have almost no pictures of my niece Claire (the smallest and youngest in the group, 6 years) - but that's because she was at the head of the trail most of the time!  5.5 miles was no big deal for these little ones.

It already is a great memory.

We love when family comes to town.

Day Trippin'

When we had three toddlers (at once), we used to drive.  A lot.  The kids liked driving and were well behaved.  Regularly, we'd take Sunday drives and discover new places; old mining towns, new lakes and canyons.  It was quiet and fun and a way to create some spontaneous adventure in our mostly home-bound lives.

  

After the moonlight bike ride Sam and I rode a couple weeks ago, we decided we wanted to see what that part of the island looked like in daylight.  The half-way point of the bike ride stopped at the Fielding Garr ranch.  At the time, we had no idea there was a barn just down the path (let alone a whole ranch) with food and drink.  We just turned around and rode back to the finish.  We were a little bummed when we reached the end of the ride, famished and too-late the wiser about where the goodies actually were.

It had been a while since we had taken "a drive" as a family and this seemed like a good fit.  It was a fun trip.  We saw buffalo, rope beds, old books, lots of birds, cool old tools and other artifacts - old bunk houses with cold storage rooms underneath and I'm sure I'm forgetting something... oh yes - Antelope. 

[Sitting on the front porch of the oldest standing anglo-structure in Utah]

Ada's Motto:
 Try...

 Try...

... and Try again!

Yeehaw!













It went even better than we had planned.

I say, "Fancy" - He says, "Nasty" and other Thursday Adventures

1.   I made and ate roasted figs and topped it with some Port Salut cheese.  It was very good, if you don't mind the texture of figs.  I was trying to take some gourmet photos, but Sam kept saying things like;

-"sick"
-"looks like a bowl of maggots"

 Who cares what he thinks, I say!   I can't help it, I loooooove figs.  And the ones I bought were starting to shrivel a little, I wanted to save them somehow.

This is what he was talking about:

[pre-roasted: drizzle honey, olive oil, a little salt and pepper]

[It may look gross, but this was tasty. Probably should have roasted a little longer, but I was hungry.  These would be yummy in a salad. Or even on top of icecream, minus the cheese of course.]


Mmmmmm....   ;)

2.   I visited my amazing aunt (who is my age) who just had twins a few months ago.  They've only been home for about a month.  She also has 5 other children at home (the oldest is 10).  What I learned from my visit:

[Gabe and Zeke.  So cute.  There may have been some gentle cheek biting.  I couldn't resist.]

• I had some flashbacks and remembered how hard it was to have multiple babies at once (it's HARD). You just don't get to sleep, ever.
• I miss it anyway.  There is nothing as sweet or soothing as nuzzling a baby.  Nothing. 
• She doesn't age, my aunt.  And her hair hasn't changed with the pregnancy. Mine did, I lost my curls but hers  is still thick and curly and gorgeous.  
• She pays attention to ALL of her kids.  Even though those babies take up most every second, she takes time to check in, look at, talk with each one of her children.  She is a devoted and sweet mother.
• She has a plaque on her wall that made my heart stop and want to do better.  It said something to this affect:

 Mom didn't teach me how to be a mother,

She showed me.

3.  I discovered (while trying to take a self-portrait) that Jackie gets his some of his goofy expressions from me... we look alike afterall!

goofy face. messy kitchen

Similar goofy face.  Blurry photo.

What a discovery!


A simple day.  A good day.  I am grateful.

I Took 216 Bad Pictures...

I've been fooling around a lot with settings.  But it is all completely experimental, I have no idea what the settings will do half the time.

Ah well.  I'm glad I took pictures.  I need to start documenting a little better, the goings on in my life.  Plus,  it turned out to be quite a lovely impromptu vacation.  One I want to remember.

Sam said on a Tuesday, "Let's go camping this weekend."

Every tent wishes they had an owner like Sam.  Meticulously cared for, our tent.

We didn't fully commit until Friday afternoon.  And even then we didn't have any kind of a plan.  We decided, last minute, on going to Cherry Hill Campground.  It's close and fun, there's a water park, mini golf and batting cages.

We had a blast.  I really needed the time with just my little family.




We played Yahtzee:

What he's saying here -verbatim:  "Hey Hun, can we be done with the picture-taking?"

We swam until we were bloodshot and shriveled:

 We participated in breath-holding competitions:

We found some great places to eat (yummy comfort food) in Kaysville, Utah:

[photo taken from the internets.  I was too busy snarfing my food to take any pictures]

I read this book, taking breaks to share my opinions with Sam regarding Ms. Chua's parenting methods:

[There will likely be a soapbox blog about this one]

At night we listened to heavy summer rain pounding onto our cozy tent.  We listened to some serious thunder and were entertained (some terrified) by the continuous flashes of lightning.  About an hour into it, Sam realized that he left his most favorite (and fancy) hat out on the picnic table in the storm.  But when he went out to save it, he found that his hat can take serious storms.  I was impressed.  It still looked new!

 We climbed trees:

And did robot dances:

 

We bought enough camping chairs to seat the whole family (not just the authoritarians duo):

Some of us did push ups as punishment for fighting:

And for some reason, Eddie kept doing this:

  It was a most fun, unplanned two days.







I really loved it.

So did this guy: