9/8/2021 11:51 pm 

Life was - no -

is 

whirling - 

A Wedding,  A House of Love - 

Eternity, A House of God -

 Filled-to-the-brim Life.  Days upon days,

It is good.

Yet, tonight I sit alone "getting work done" and...

This aching churns and burns in my chest.  

I 

feel 

so 

alone.

I believed he loved me three days ago.  I knew I loved him.

I was surrounded by all of it (the Love).

Soon enough

it will just be one and one, and, 

Tonight I wonder if it's all a lie.  He's still somewhere I can't see.   

The house sits quiet while I wait.  Wait and see..

I don't get to hold on to anything.  

None of it is mine, and I feel a little lost in this quiet house

Tonight.  

Monday's Memoir: An Enchanted April...

On our fourth anniversary I was a living, footslogging caricature of a pregnant woman.   Every pregnant woman feels carnival conspicuous by their eighth month, I know, but in my case I think it was true.  I saw enough gaping expressions and heard more than one gasp  from strangers during that hyper-gestational period of my life to know, that I was indeed, a spectacle. 

My mom gifted Sam and me with a night out and babysitting for our (then) two year old.  We went to a restaurant we liked and while we waited for our food we began doodling on the table cloths.  They were paper table cloths and the waitress provided us with crayons (so fancy!).  Our doodling evolved into mind mapping out our near future as we anticipated our change from having one child, straight to three.   I expected that having twins would mean an inevitable brain shut-down (a somewhat accurate foresight, to my credit) and so I was determined to pre-arrange every possible detail, including names.  We scribbled out some name ideas for those babies who would surprise us by coming in only a few days and 5 weeks early.

That was an enjoyable evening.  The whole night was magical and sweet and I may have forgotten about it had I not found that paper table cloth in a box while cleaning out the storage room recently.  I forgot that we had saved it.  When I pulled it out of the box, my mind flashed back to a warm spring evening.  We were standing behind our periwinkle Eagle Summit, Sam placing the folded table cloth and our leftovers into the trunk.  I remember we were smiling.  And sweating profusely.  And breathing laboriously.

Okay, maybe that was just me.

Coming Back to Town...

we yelled in the driveway
we have neighbors who watch
we didn't care, because
i hurt his feelings
and he hurt mine
-he wanted to come first in my life
-I wanted to be first in his
we couldn't see
while standing in the driveway
that our hurt and anger proved
we are

*painting: Man and Woman by Fernando Botero

"But If You are Lucky, You Will Love and Be Loved"...

[Halloween 2011]

It only took Sam and me three years to forget our anniversary.  There I was with my baby at the grocery store checkout stand, well into the afternoon, digging through my purse to find a pen.  "Aha!" Having found it, I began filling out a check.  I asked the cashier what the date was.  "April 25th" she said.  "NO WAY!" I exclaimed, wide-eyed and incredulous.  "It's my anniversary today and I forgot! We both forgot!"

 "Oh, really?" She says, with a look that tells me she doesn't really care and she thinks I'm weird.  And loud.

When I got home I called Sam at work.  "Can you believe we forgot?"   I took his silence to mean that he was wondering if I said "we forgot" or "you forgot" before responding...

I think we did end up getting a sitter and going out that night.

It only occurs to me now, a solid decade (plus) later, that he may have actually remembered.  Maybe that's why he was silent.  Maybe he was testing me.   I mean, he's not the testing type, but I don't know.   I think people kind of do that early on in marriage, test things out.  See how it goes...what the standard is going to be.  Sometimes you do things proactively, sometimes you just watch and see what the other person does.  And then you decide subconsciously that, that's just how it is.   

Perhaps this is why we've never really made a huge deal out of our anniversary.  I kind of figured he might do the grandiose thing and he figured I might.  Evidently, it was okay that neither of us did.   Don't worry, I'm not going to say anything sappy like, "we don't have to celebrate our anniversary, we celebrate our marriage every day" - Because that's just uppity gross.  I mean, it's a good ideal to live by I guess, but anyone who makes such a claim is subjecting themselves to gag-responses from the married masses.  Or at least from me.

Not to say our marriage isn't a big deal.

'Cause it is.  I mean, I managed to snag this handsome fellow;

Maybe this year I'll have to plan something a little bigger...not much, just plan ahead a little. For fun.

After all, I'm not married to precedent.

Once Upon a Time in a Land Called Etsy...

There was a man who shopped there, because three months before he saw his wife searching for owl brooches and pendants. 

"Why owls?" he asked his wife.

"I don't know, I like 'em."  she said. 

"Huh."  he said.  And that was that. 

Then,  a few months later and a few weeks before Valentine's Day (because he can NEVER wait to give presents) he gave his wife this:

 

 Cute, huh?  And so thoughtful.  The wife thought so, too.  She knew she was a lucky gal.

And they lived happily ever after,

The End.

Success!

Banangrams was a hit.  The kids loved their banana splits.  It was a fun night and I love my family.

Sam and I got into one little tiff.  But that was all.  I think this is a game we can play together consistently and still stay happily married.
In fact we played it, just the two of us, tonight.
And we both HAD FUN.
That's basically a miracle.
I'm being totally serious.


Also, dinner tonight was successful.  It was a new recipe, and that doesn't always go so well.  I was nervous about it.  But they liked it!  YAY!  It's vegetarian (not vegan), which is nice because I don't cook with meat very often we end up eating the same three things over and over.  Now we have four things.
 
Here's the recipe (in case your interested).  *I've changed some of the ingredients, because I refuse to use reduced fat cheese... and I didn't have whole wheat tortillas.

Black Bean and Pineapple Enchiladas 

(recipe* and photo from Pillsbury.com website)

INGREDIENTS 

2	teaspoons Olive Oil
1	large yellow onion, chopped (about 1 cup)
1	medium red bell pepper, chopped (about 1 cup)
1	can (20 oz) pineapple tidbits in juice, drained, 1/3 cup juice reserved
1	can (15 oz)  black beans, drained, rinsed
1	can (4.5 oz)  chopped green chiles
1	teaspoon salt
1/2	cup chopped fresh cilantro
3	cups shredded  Cheddar cheese (12 oz)
1	can (10 oz)  mild enchilada sauce
8	flour tortillas (8 or 9 inch)
1/2	cup  sour cream
8	teaspoons chopped fresh cilantro

DIRECTIONS

1. Heat oven to 350°F. Spray 13x9-inch (3-quart) glass baking dish with cooking spray. In 12-inch nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium heat. Add onion and bell pepper; cook 4 to 5 minutes or until softened. Stir in pineapple, beans, green chiles and salt. Cook and stir until thoroughly heated. Remove skillet from heat. Stir in 1/2 cup cilantro and 2 cups of the cheese.

 2.  Spoon and spread 1 tablespoon enchilada sauce onto each tortilla. Spoon about 3/4 cup vegetable mixture over sauce on each. Roll up tortillas; place seam side down in baking dish.

3.  In small bowl, mix reserved 1/3 cup pineapple juice and remaining enchilada sauce; pour over entire surface of enchiladas in dish. Sprinkle with remaining 1 cup cheese. Spray sheet of foil large enough to cover baking dish with cooking spray; place sprayed side down over baking dish and seal tightly.

4.  Bake 35 to 40 minutes, removing foil during last 5 to 10 minutes of baking, until cheese is melted and sauce is bubbly. Top each baked enchilada with 1 tablespoon sour cream and 1 teaspoon cilantro.

Makes 8 servings.

"I want an SLR,"

-I said.

"Do you even know what that is?"

-He said.

"Well, not really.  But, I think it has something to do with taking nice pictures, really fast or something.  Besides, I'm interested in photography.  I'd like to learn how to take good pictures."

-(says I.  I do have a BLOG, afterall.)

"You know, a fancy camera doesn't make good photographs.  Good photographs come from good photographers,"

-He said,  while thinking about what SLR actually means.

"I KNOW that (psh).  But I would like to get good at taking pictures.  I'd really like to study and learn to develop my photography skills."

-Me.

"Hm.  So, you want to pick up another hobby?" 

-He said. 

What he didn't say (but what he really, really wanted to say)  was:  

Are YOU KIDDING ME?  You have your guitar and ukulele upstairs and complain every day about not having a piano  (or the time you'd like to play and write), plus you have fabric cut up all over the place, and furniture to be repainted and a 100 pots you have yet to plant anything in and 23 books piled up by your bed -oh- and let's not forget the fitness gear in the garage, under the bed and who else knows where,  and not to mention just your daily responsibilities and church callings...but you want to spend a LOT of money and start a new hobby? 

He wanted to say it, but he didn't. (He's good like that). 

 

He also shopped around and found something reasonably priced, with great consumer reviews and a good fit for my needs.  It's a point and shoot and it's nice (see my pretty sunflowers?).  I'm really excited about it, and I think I can live with substandard photos...and pretend that it's because I'm focusing on one of my other hobbies...

Edward Cullen is a Crock...

Following, is an example of a real man, (and a good one at that).

aRealman:"Thanks for the spaghetti Hun. That was actually pretty good."

Marital Bliss Lesson #1:

THIS, is a compliment. Take it. Imprint on your mind only the words, 'thanks', 'Hun', and 'good'.

aRealman: "There was something rubbery and seedy in the sauce though. Probably from our garden?"

Marital Bliss Lesson #2:

Assume the best of intentions. Just do. Because the LAST thing the poor guy wants is to tick you off. But, should you be offended -

Marital Bliss Lesson #3:

Communicate your feelings in a (ahem) constructive way.

devotedWife: "Oh, nice. NICE!"

aRealman: "What?" "What? Didn't you use stuff from your garden?"

devotedWife: "oh, that was ACTUALLY pretty good? Actually. Pretty good? Amazing that, FOR ONCE, you have something good..."

aRealman: "I didn't mean..."

devotedWife: "And what? Like I'm growing crap-on-a-vine out there? (okay, I didn't actually say that. I thought of it just now and thought it was funny).


WHAT I DID DO, was threaten to make his charming antics public ---via Blog.
To which he replied with a snicker. A mocking snicker!

Marital Bliss.

No vampires with diamond-sparkly skin and every word silvery and perfectly timed.
Which is good for my gag reflex.
Other bonuses: My man is handsome AND warm blooded.
The End.

P.S. My garden really isn't producing very well. He's right about that.

Corrections to post below...

I grossly exaggerated. It was an innocent mistake.

Sam "lovingly" brought this to my attention this morning. I'm not good at taking constructive criticism. We debated about this. Arguments to follow.

CORRECTION ONE:

It was a 99 SECOND hot dog. (Confirmed via Ed).

CORRECTION TWO:

Sam informed me that "Ethyl" was a misspelling. That it should be "Ethel" with an "E" since the first version is usually used to describe Ethyl alcohol (emphasis added to make a point). I protested, convinced I'd only ever seen a person spell their name with a "y".

I tried to prove my point by Googling "a girl named EthYl". And found a few. Only a few though and one was the name of a dog. Ugh. So then I told him maybe our Ethyl IS spelled with a "Y"... But no. He saw her name on the door.

So as I'm typing these corrections, I am simultaneously being teased to high heaven. It went something like this:

SAM
Ethyl. Hahahahahaha! Oh! I think I'll name my daughter Ethyl, kuz I like's ma Alkee-Hol, hahahahha! And so on. (I admit, this made me laugh)...

ME
I am ONLY changing the name because it was spelled "Ethel" on her door. Otherwise I would keep it. If my name were Ethyl, I'd want it spelled with a "y". It just looks better.

SAM (rubbing my shoulders, kissing me on the head. Still laughing)
"Kuz you likes your Alkee-Hol?" (Ha. Ha.)

ME (later on. After thinking for a minute)
"Besides," I said. "There are SOME people named Ether".

SAM
::No words. Just A Big. Bursting. Guffaw::

I let him get my goat. What can I say? He knows all my buttons...

**Corrections have been made in previous post.**

Now, can anyone tell me how you block someone (say, a spouse) from reading your blog?

Break's over...

(I know, that was quick...) BUT I thought I'd post anyway, because

Today is my 11 year wedding anniversary (yay!)
My husband is gone (boooo)
I was tagged by Amy - and it's all about who I love (yay!) so I'm going to play!

1. WHO DO YOU LOVE?

• YOU! (but to simplify this quiz I'll stick with my favorite: Sam)

2. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

• 11 years TODAY!
  

3. HOW LONG DID YOU DATE?

• Date? We either went outside to play (hike, climb, fish, whatever), or we found a secluded* spot somewhere to make out like crazy. We were pals. Pals who sucked face- a lot. I met Sam when I was 16.

* "Secluded" is used loosely here. Sam was the oldest of 8 kids. When we were alone, we were never really alone (we heard lots of whispers and giggles.)

4. WHO IS TALLER?

• Sam

5. WHO IS SMARTER?

• Oh, Sam by far. But he acts like I'm smarter. (See how smart he is?)

6. WHO DOES THE LAUNDRY?

• Me

7. WHO PAYS THE BILLS?

• Sam earns the moola, I mail the checks.

8. WHO MOWS THE LAWN?

• Sam.

9. WHO COOKS DINNER?

• Me. (Unless we're grilling...Sam likes to take over that department).
  

10. WHO DRIVES?

• Usually Sam. If we're taking the company car.

AND NOW I TAG....

YOU!