A Daily Prayer

What makes raising teenagers so scary?
It's because

they start to grow up
branch out
seek their own way

AND
they aren't ready
they know so little about life -
They aren't ready
(I'm not ready)

but it's coming,
the essential and beautiful breakaway

All that is left undone,
Is done. no makeup days.

so you just start with today
look them in the eyes
Love, Love, Love

Teaching, speaking ever so gently (no, even more gently)

Here - you see more than ever-
here are the days when Charity,
that pure love which comes from
He who alone can do the saving

is the greatest of teachers, and the only way that will work-
patience
prayer (lots of prayer)
long suffering
kindness in words, in deed
and also, 
attempts to raise the dead in the morning, and in despair, and in the face of discouragement

It is a holy work
and when I kneel at night
I express gratitude for one more day
one more blessed day to get it right
Help me, I plead.
Help me forgive
Help me to be quick to express happiness, praise, goodness, peace -
Help me LOOK and understand
Help me to know what to do

Because I'm still that kid
who is feeling her own way
and I just want to get this right, despite my weakness.

Oh, my weakness.  Glaring in the face of offspring who are now eye level -
they see them all, more clearly then ever. 

Is it hard?  Raising teenagers?
I don't wish away one moment,

I am so fond of these young people.

In those quiet nights (and mornings and lunchtimes) when my prayers are most earnest
I remember:

I will always be their mother.
It's okay.
You have now.
It's enough time.
Write this day on your heart,  It is a gift just for you,  you blessed (and loved) girl.

and remember,

The sweetest season is the one you're in.
you know this, but only it if you pay attention and filter your days with gratitude.

So pay attention.

12 Things (Only One Third of Them are Irritants).

I am reading The Wednesday Wars by Gary D. Schmidt (cute book, so far).  We are reading this in my book club group and when I learned it was juvenile fiction, I decided I would read it aloud to my children.  It is a last stitch effort to do at least one constructive and educational activity this summer, before school begins again.


This was my view when I finished the chapter and looked up at my brood: 12 Observations follow:

1.  "Hey mom, make sure you take a picture of my good side"- then he turns, just so.

2. Vibram 5 Finger shoes. My boys are big fans.  Me, not so much.  They get stinky.

3. Hence, the foot powder, which has been left on the arm of the sofa (a huge pet peeve of mine, because things left there end up falling on the floor making mess and racket).

4. Another pet peeve.  These cushions.  Which always look mashed and messy.

5.  Pet peeve #3.  The remote control left on top of squishy cushion, to inevitably be dug out from inside the sofa later on by an irritated Dad.

6.  I actually used a blur feature in a futile attempt to cover up the messiness and lack of design in my house.

7.  Marmalade:  the beast with which I compete in seeking affection from Sam.

8.  My only sweet girl.

9.  The pink swing my sister lent me, which has stirred a surprising many (albeit brief) conversations about nature vs. nurture of gender in relation to the color of baby supplies...REALLY, PEOPLE. 

10.  The only evidence (jacket dumped on the floor = PP#4) of a lovely evening prior, in the mountains, with delicious dutch oven food, and good friends.  I should have brought my camera.

11.  Proof that I wasn't seeing the trees for the forest whilst constructing this photo.  Makes it a better one, so it is okay.

12.  Sleeping baby in stripes = adorable.  Also, the reason I am having to type this post with only one hand.



***
I almost made this a " 21 things" post.  I really could of done it...is that sad?

Blessed Three Times and Forever...

One
is the one who calls to inform me
he is at the widow's house
helping her sort out shoes
which will be given to those in need,
and then he'd like to go and play.

Two
is the one, barely a decade old
who has an SAT score
marked repeatedly with
PHS
(post high school)
but will always defer to his mother
because he cares about feelings more than anything else

Three
is the one who cannot be told
determined to learn in her own way -
and in her own world.
i am not at all nervous.
she is unbreakable in her happiness,
dancing always to a song in her heart.




*darling photo courtesy of Lizzie Carter. (click on her name to see some great photog skills.  you won't be sorry.)

In the Day Today

finally pulled out paints for my boy
he'd been asking for days
mom's been too busy for a mess

...
left to write an inquiry
sent the message hoping
to find reciprocation in friendship
didn't get it

caught myself, once again
living in a dream world
felt dumb in forgetting
some relationships just won't pan out

...
came back to clean up the paints
praised my boy for his fine creative work  
looked it over, ooh-ing and ahh-ing
saw a light in his face, a satisfaction

there it was.
right there.
validation I had been longing for, a reality
from the bluest (truest) eyes I've ever seen
love given and returned in a flash, small and sweet


whatever happens in the hours to follow
it is a good day

I say, "Fancy" - He says, "Nasty" and other Thursday Adventures

1.   I made and ate roasted figs and topped it with some Port Salut cheese.  It was very good, if you don't mind the texture of figs.  I was trying to take some gourmet photos, but Sam kept saying things like;

-"sick"
-"looks like a bowl of maggots"

 Who cares what he thinks, I say!   I can't help it, I loooooove figs.  And the ones I bought were starting to shrivel a little, I wanted to save them somehow.

This is what he was talking about:

[pre-roasted: drizzle honey, olive oil, a little salt and pepper]

[It may look gross, but this was tasty. Probably should have roasted a little longer, but I was hungry.  These would be yummy in a salad. Or even on top of icecream, minus the cheese of course.]


Mmmmmm....   ;)

2.   I visited my amazing aunt (who is my age) who just had twins a few months ago.  They've only been home for about a month.  She also has 5 other children at home (the oldest is 10).  What I learned from my visit:

[Gabe and Zeke.  So cute.  There may have been some gentle cheek biting.  I couldn't resist.]

• I had some flashbacks and remembered how hard it was to have multiple babies at once (it's HARD). You just don't get to sleep, ever.
• I miss it anyway.  There is nothing as sweet or soothing as nuzzling a baby.  Nothing. 
• She doesn't age, my aunt.  And her hair hasn't changed with the pregnancy. Mine did, I lost my curls but hers  is still thick and curly and gorgeous.  
• She pays attention to ALL of her kids.  Even though those babies take up most every second, she takes time to check in, look at, talk with each one of her children.  She is a devoted and sweet mother.
• She has a plaque on her wall that made my heart stop and want to do better.  It said something to this affect:

 Mom didn't teach me how to be a mother,

She showed me.

3.  I discovered (while trying to take a self-portrait) that Jackie gets his some of his goofy expressions from me... we look alike afterall!

goofy face. messy kitchen

Similar goofy face.  Blurry photo.

What a discovery!


A simple day.  A good day.  I am grateful.

day twenty-two: From a Distance

This photo may not seem so spectacular, but it makes me laugh everytime I come across it:

 

Last year, as Sam and I struggled to put up the sail on our new boat, we were constantly being distracted by arguing twins.  

After a short period of time, I'd had enough.  I walked over to Jack, grabbed him by the elbow, then dragged him over to Ada (grabbing her by the elbow) and took them to the car for a time out.

Before we'd even made it to the car, they started up again.  I thought to myself, "They need some alone time.  They're just going to tear each other up in the car."  So I split them up.

Far, far away from each other and far, far, far away from us.   (But still in eye-shot.  Barely.)

Here's a closer look:

They did not like this.  Not one bit.

day twenty: Sunflare

So...some of these are an accident.  I think the point of this challenge is to do the daily requirement on purpose - not just dig up some old photos that sort of have what is being asked.  But in most of the photos, I was aware of the light and trying new things with my camera.

Almost all  photos were taken at Arch Canyon in November 2010 unless noted otherwise:

Heber Valley campground at sunset after rainstorm -August 2010.  Not sure if this counts as sunflare...the camera didn't change much (I didn't want it too) - the sunset really glowed like this!  I just wish I could have gotten more color.    

Honestly, this "sun flare" was not entirely deliberate.  But I was experimenting with settings on my camera to allow in more light and was aware that the sun would partially be in the shot.

Also, not a deliberate sun flare shot.  But I love it because Ada is pointing to it.

By now, I noticed the sun flare and  I wanted to see if I could get those streams of light in my photo, but was afraid of having too much sun...  [Arch Canyon, November 2010]

I used the night time setting here and purposefully kept the sun in the shot.  The whites of those plants were really lighting up like that in the natural light but other exposures just wouldn't show it off like this one (and only just barely). 

I know nothing about good composition, but I do like this photo of Jack.

day fourteen: eyes

I am having a difficult time keeping up!  So my pictures are even more lackadaisacal then usual...

What I WANTED to take a picture of is my son Jack's eyes, when he wears this bold, blue shirt he has.  It is something to see.

Maybe I'll get around to it...
 

While the Sun Shines

This boy is so cute.  But when his hair gets too long, it is

OUT

OF

CONTROL!

He was overdue for a haircut.  We pulled out the stool and the scissors/comb/etc. and headed outside.

"Why don't we ever go to a barber, Mom?"

I have a few reasons.  Saves time, saves money.  But mostly, I get to spend time with just one kid, undivided attention.  And for such an easily distracted mom like me, I need to take these opportunities, you know?

Although...a barber would probably not yell at my kids to hold still while cutting their hair.  And I was listening to my ipod - so much for undivided attention.  A barber actually knows what they're doing.  The only training I have is a VHS tutorial that teaches me how to do a flat top, a bowl cut and how to manicure a radical rat tail in the back.   

No lie.

 Maybe my kids will groan with the memory of home grown hair cuts.  But I doubt it will leave serious scars.   It will be a sweet memory for me.  I made sure to mark the moment yesterday and be glad:

• To have a boy
• To cut his hair
• Then watch his eyes when I tell him how handsome he looks.   

One more of those fleeting treasures of life guised as the mundane. 

 

Also, I'm hoping to remember that this task is a sweet opportunity so I don't let Jackie's hair get that bad again. 

Jack: 10 words or less...

This kid makes me laugh.
I love him so.

Why I Need to Keep My Camera in My Purse...

Beauty's burden;
or is it,
Burden's beauty?
The weight of white snow
on the boughs of the pine.
Ever green,
ever standing.
In spite of the icy winter, she blazes chlorophylloid contrast
Her cold  arms outstretched, and fingers too,
draped with fiery diamonds.

I'm glad I took a detour this morning.
It reminds me, beauty is as beauty does.


On the way to school this morning, Jack must have read a billboard advertising the fountain of youth in some form or other because he suddenly blurted out, "Get rid of wrinkles!  Who would want to get rid of wrinkles?  Would you, Mom?"

[I paused--I had to ask myself the question first and I was determined to be honest about my answer.]

With a conviction that surprised me, I said, "Nope.  I've worked too hard for the ones I've got." 

And then I blew kisses and waved them off to school.   From there, I purposely missed my exit and instead drove up and through the canyons.  Three canyons, this morning.  I was drawn in and over narrow roads with aged boughs and broken branches that arched over me like an endless threshold, welcoming me to some magical place.  It's funny how you're there, but never reaching a destination.  Everyday life tricks me into thinking that there is a beginning and end to things.  A start and end to a day, a week, a project.  Looking at the sun shine down on a smooth, untouched ravine of snow,  I remember we are at this moment moving closer to spring.  It is all one eternal round.

I thought I was sick and tired of winter and officially declared it just a few days before.   But this morning's drive helped to change my mind about that.  And helped me cement the answer I gave Jack this morning about my wrinkles.  Beauty is, as beauty does.  So if I'm bound (and lucky enough) to live in a season where I droop and stiffen, my head covered in white, I hope I will bear it well -like those trees.  Owning the season completely, not shirking from what is. And I hope to reflect the sun in my own way.  

Heck, why wait 'til then?  Today is a good day for sunshine.  And it is the only day I know I have.

CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE: DAY FIFTEEN

Yesterday my cute sister in law informed me that it was not too late to do the "Twelve Days of Christmas" for someone, if I wanted to.

See how cute she is?  :Image taken from Cristie's blog:

The subject came up because she began leaving surprises for the next twelve days,  for her husband.

Those two are a pretty cute couple.  They are each always finding ways to be sweet to each other and surprise each other.  They secretly do things for one another, in hopes to improve their relationship.

I think it's pretty fun to watch their devotion to one another.

I've decided to follow suit and do the Twelve Days of Christmas for someone (I started yesterday). 

It's the perfect challenge, I've never done it for anyone before.  I've picked my recipient and I'm enjoying it so far.  I'm keeping it pretty simple, but still, it's so fun.  I think I will do this every year for someone.  Only next year I think I will get the kids in on it, so they can help.  It's good for me to spend time each day thinking about someone else for a change... thinking about what they might like and appreciate. It would be good for the kids, too.  Today Jack asked me if I would take him Christmas shopping.  "Who are you shopping for?" I asked.   "For me!" he exclaimed.

  Hm.  Clearly, we are missing the point around here...it looks like I may have my next challenge. :)

Image by :Chris Buzelli:  (click here to link to his website)

I

CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE: DAY FOUR

• It all begins with a cute little girl at school who has taken I liking to Jack.  

• She offered to pay him $5.00 if he would pleeease join the choir.  

• So he did. (How could he refuse?)

• Of course, Ada needed no convincing whatever.  She was already seated, sifting through the sheet music.

After a few weeks of practice, it was time for the choir to do some performances.



The kids had an opportunity to sing before (and again during intermission of)  The Nutcracker Ballet, playing at the Capitol Theatre.  I found out at the last minute that discounted tickets were available to my family, if I wanted them.

[Ada totally cracked up at the end of this scene]

What a way to celebrate the holidays!  My dad took me and my family to The Nutcracker a handful of times growing up. I should have this experience with my kids.   So we bought tickets.

[Photo is too dark, but aren't they cute twins?]

We were seated in the Very. Last. Row.  In the furthest corner.
Honestly, they were fantastic seats!  No one behind us, we could stand up if we wanted.  AND the choreography and stage set up was done so well, it was a lovely view from almost overhead.  We were not disappointed. 



Watching my kids sing was a delight.
Watching my kids' faces as they watched the ballet was a treat for me.

[Dad watching his little carolers from the lobby floor]

I asked Jack if he was glad he joined the choir.   He said, "Yeah, and I feel bad because I hear Lilia is working her tail off to earn five dollars."

I suggested that maybe he let her know he's gotten his five dollars worth already.  "Yeah, probably that would be good."


I think I should I should pay her five dollars.  It was a very nice Saturday afternoon with my family.

Thank you for your comments

on my kids' blog.  Really, it has meant a lot to them.  Thank you!!!

And I KNOW you've been dying to see what Jack's been up to.  Here you go:

www.mastermindjack.blogspot.com

ENJOY!

Is this a total mistake?  I mean, I decided to help them with this because it's an opportunity for me to do something fun and creative with them.  And plus, I love to see what they think about, and the individual ways they observe each day in a household we share together.  It's an opportunity to develop writing and grammar skills, computer skills and typing skills.

But I have my reservations.  Obvious ones, like safety issues (giving kids an opportunity to expose themselves to....Whomever?!!) and vain reservations, like what if they reveal too much about our lives and the state of things and what kind of language and threats I use to get them to LISTEN AND OBEY ME FOR ONCE, FOR PETE'S SAKE, and what I said about so-and-so  etc. etc.

Anyway...I'm not supposed to be blogging yet so, I'll quit there.  Suggestions on this matter would be welcome, though. 

Back to JaJo's Blog.  What's that?  Yes, I said JaJo... (jay - joe).

As in, he goes by Jack.  But his birth certificate name is John.  Get it?  He came up with it all by himself.

I love him, by the way.  His huge, beautiful blue eyes and big giant juicy lips and grown up beaver teeth.  Crazy for him.  Also because he says stuff like this:

"I hope I get a comment within the hour."
{as he clicks the publish button}

Celebrity Sightings in a 20 mph School Zone

While driving to school yesterday, Eddie suddenly bursts out-
"OH Mom turn around! TURN AROUND!!  I just saw Tom Hanks!"

Jack replies,  "No WAY Ed, Tom Hanks is DEAD."

Eddie is incredulous and offers proof to the contrary,
"No he's not, Toy Story 3 is coming out...remember?  He can't be dead."

"Oh yeah..."  Jack concedes.

Then Jack inquires about which Tom Hanks Eddie saw.  Was it the "little" Tom Hanks (as in Toy Story) or the "big" Tom Hanks (as in, Big).   Eddie decides that he actually saw the "biggest" Tom Hanks, you know, from Castaway.

A few things I learned from hearing this conversation:
1.  My kids watch too many movies.
2.  My kids watch too many Tom Hanks movies.
3.  My kids, apparently, have a difficult time distinguishing reality from make believe.  Does Jack think Woody is real?  I'm concerned.
4.  If I walked to school with my kids, we might be able to get an autograph sometime.  ;)

We Used To Call Them, "The Babies"

I read somewhere that you shouldn't refer your twins as "the twins".   You know, because they're individuals after all.  And calling them "the twins" creates a negative stigma...or something.

So I called them the Babies.

And then one day, they were just too big for that.



Some things having twins has taught me:

* THROW the baby books out the window. (Okay, don't.  But read them with a few grains of salt, because life is meant to be palatable, and DOABLE).
* You can't deny or squelch their individuality--there's just nothing you can do about it.
* Don't worry so much about the sharing of everything...Twins pretty much like being twins.  I mean, it's a pretty cool thing, you know, sharing a womb and a birthday...eating from the same bowl of rice cereal (My kids always shared a bowl and a spoon Cath, I never even thought about it- I loved your twinspin today!  You are much more conscientious than I am.)  But yeah, being a twin is part of who they are, and it's kind of a big deal. 
* I am so lucky.  So so very blessed.



Well, the babies are NINE today.  I'm sure I'm still learning, but I don't seem to realize it while I'm in the thick of things...I'm just glad everyone got to school on time and didn't fight all that much.  :)

I love birthdays!

In the words of Jack Carter

-"Hey mom.  Did you know that Henry Vee's father's mother is the queen you see on playing cards?"

{Huh? I have him repeat this sentence}

-"Ohhhhh" I say.  "Do you mean King Henry VIII?"

- "No. Henry Vee.  V -I -I -I". 

{Discussion about Roman Numerals}

 Jack loves to read.  And I love to hear about it, precisely for reasons like Henry Vee. I hear stuff like 'Henry Vee', or 'soo-ing' (instead of sewing) all the time from my cute little guy and it always cracks me up!  He loves words and loves to use them.


Like this morning when Jack was so frustrated because Ada wouldn't get out of bed and get ready for school.

"She's just so....sedentary in the morning."

Ha!

The picture above is Jackie writing Thank You notes (sometime after Christmas).  He had a lot of Thank-You's to write.  He was so bugged that I was taking a picture!  What I didn't realize is that he was writing a Thank You card to me and Sam and he wanted it to be a surprise.  He hid it under my pillow.

Cute, huh.

What a Tuesday Morning at 7:45am Looks Like Around Here...

• Ada was displaying her creative efforts (having successfully attached her new pompoms to her headband).

• Jack was being Jack (which I love).

• Eddie was feeling pretty handsome and looking forward to going to the symphony with his class.  (He practiced tying his tie several times the night before).  

• I was glad we had time before school to take some snapshots of my oh-so-very-good life on a frosty, spring morning.

This Is The Way Jack Rolls...

On our drive home from school today:

Eddie - Mommm! Jack said he sucks.

Me - Jack, don't talk like that!  Why would you say such a thing?

Jack -   Because I'm not good at anything except reading (rolls his eyes).

I'm just a bookworm.

A soil eating thing, WHO ACTUALLY EATS SOIL, who likes to read books!!!

It's not just a girl thing.  Boys can give in to drama too. "Actually eats soil"? 

I wonder if he knows that he's also good at cracking me up? 

Christmas 2009 Memory #3 : Warning--This Post is Vomitrocious.

 

Sugarplums danced in their beds.

And all over our "hallway".

And all over Grammy's entry way rug.

And all over Jackie.  Twice.

Christmas morning came. We opened our gifts.  A perfect Christmas morning spent basking in our treasures, enjoying each other and the lovely quiet morning.   Our kitchen table looked like a messy, giant mound of random baked goods and candies intermixed with unwrapped cellophane and ribbons and crumbs.  It is from this heap we had our morning feast.  I remember sitting at the table, sifting through and picking out my favorite things (pretzel nut clusters, homemade caramels and cookies) and looking across the table at my darling curly headed Eddie as he took a giant bite from his giant king size Snicker's bar- a stocking treat, and his favorite.  It occurred to me at that moment, that perhaps I should fix something more wholesome for my family to eat.  I said to Eddie, "Would you like me to fix you some oatmeal, or eggs and toast or a smoothie?"  "Nah, this is good" he says and takes another bite.

Stop.

I know better (and not because of the clarity of hindsight).  I knew better then.  I even thought about it as I watched Eddie eat his king sized breakfast of empty calories.  About how the strength of my children's immune systems are affected by their diets. 

 But hey, there was tons of "food" lying around and I didn't feel like making another mess.  What's that saying about "the price you pay now is the cheapest price in town"?  or that one that says,  "Listen to that voice and take care, because if you don't you may be covered in someone else's vomit at 3am tomorrow morning".

Yeah, that's a good one to remember.  Days of junk food and late nights led to a Christmas night puke-fest.  Jack, though never actually being sick, had a miserable night as well.  It's a funny story, but he caught me writing about it and made me swear I wouldn't post it (yet). 

The Sowman's Christmas Present by Irma Wilde, 1951

We eventually slept soundly.

And all the little dears have recovered pretty well.

Time for some real food and a good sleep schedule.