Not So Shining Moments...

It was 13 years ago.  There was an old woman, fixed up and artsy.  She was a distant relative (through marriage) who happened to live nearby.  She suddenly appeared in my life when I gave birth to my first baby.

One or two mornings a week, I opened the door to a most friendly greeting.  Soft white hair in an up-do.  Fresh lip-stick. Bright painted eyes.  A jump-suit.  On her way to a weekly exercise class, she would stop in, bearing something she found in her home that I might be able to use.  Herbal tea, a plastic sheet to protect the crib mattress, brooches made of tiny watch parts and other beautiful things which she pieced together with her own hands (she would have made a killing if Etsy had existed back then).   She'd ask how I was feeling, how motherhood was going and offer words of encouragement.  I liked her.  She was vibrant and friendly and creative. 

Still, I was shy and very uncomfortable with the visits.  I also was very uncomfortable with motherhood.  Here was this precious little boy which I adored - but I had no confidence in my abilities to care for him.  It was a monumental learning curve, and I was struggling.  Alongside this handicap,  I did not posess the skills to be an adequate hostess.

And yet, every Tuesday (sometimes more often) this sweet woman appeared at my door - always fixed up,  always bearing gifts and a smile.  I'm sure I was polite.  I knew how to smile and be friendly...

My regret?  I never thanked her.  I mean, I'm sure I said, "thank you" when she handed me her weekly gifts.  But, I never fully opened the doors and invited her in for a visit.  I even minimized her offerings, inwardly chuckling at the "leftovers" she brought me.   I never thanked her for her time, her willingness to give to some young mother she hardly knows. 

I am so ashamed to even think of it, it's difficult to type it out.

***

How many people do that?  How many people take what they have, make a little time to visit someone they hardly know.  Check in.  Smile and share.  Try to connect and help. 

She was an angel and I was clueless.
I missed an opportunity of gaining a friendship with a truly interesting, kind and beautiful person.

I write about this in an attempt to cement a few things I've learned from this experience: 

-It's too late to thank her now.  These small opportunities are fleeting.  Maybe someday I will get the chance (I hope).

-I don't want to miss another opportunity to grow a friendship or express gratitude.

-I want to be a better example to my kids by being more like my angel visitor from years ago.
 
-The next time I am cued that I behaved badly (because I was), then I hope to be humble and hurry to make it right, before it's too late. 

The tea is gone.  The sheets have been given to someone else.  And she's gone.   But I know I still have that brooch in a keepsake box somewhere.   I am tempted to dig it out.  It would be a pretty little reminder to be beautiful like she was and to never miss an opportunity to show gratitude, or make a friend.

Springtime Self-Sabotage

200 dollars

   2 swimsuits

   4 cup cakes

127 teaspoons of frosting

one

day.

*NOTE TO TREAT CHALLENGERS: this event took place before our challenge began.  Just want to be clear, I'm still in the game!

day eight: A Bad Habit

{I rarely make my bed.  Maybe this could be my July, 30 Day Challenge... }

So I Weighed Myself the Other Day...

I'm not speaking in metaphor (that's something I would do) -- I actually stepped on a scale in order to weigh the mass of dough my body has become...and I'm going to write about it.

Superficiality ensues, you have been forewarned:

Squeezing on my stretchiest (and largest) black pants the other day,  I thought maybe I should take a hard look at the state I'm in. 

 The Sate I'm in:

Besides feeling sluggish all the time, being more flesh than force,  having to wear the same frumpy ill-fitting pair of pants every day and an aching arthritic knee - I have learned, that;

In the last 15 months I have gained an official 15 pounds ("official" meaning, "roughly").

That's not a drastic amount.  But it is a lot, when one considers what it will take to get rid of it.

It's no surprise, really.  It's not that I hadn't noticed...  It all began when I took on a big responsibility at church that, while extremely rewarding, is so very stressful for a gal like me.
Also, in the last 15 months, I have quit playing music regularly.  I hardly touch my guitar these days.  When I started to get serious about the guitar and music again a few years back, I magically lost 15 pounds (roughly) over several months.   And kept it off (roughly).  I've certainly never been the "skinny" type, but it did feel good to have that little extra weight off.

No satisfying music.
Stressful Church calling (that I do love.  love ≠ easy).
Weight gain.

Is this a Coincidence?  Heck. No.

A lame Excuse?  Um.  YES...

I'm not posting any declarations or resolutions to change, not that I don't have any goals,  I'm just not POSTING them.  So why am I even writing about this?


Because I found this while browsing on the internet the other day:

CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE: DAYS 27-31

I have had a few challenge ideas for the last days of the month:

"Take down" and clean up Christmas before January 1st (DONE)

• This is new, I usually don't get it all done until after the kids start up school again.  Imagine my disappointment when, during cleanup, our nativity was massacred. Blasted cats jumping onto the mantle! At least, that's what the kids say happened...

   









 Get a head start on at least one resolution  
(DONE) 

• Just for the sake of feeling like I'm getting a running start on 2011.

• I'd tell you what my resolution is, but I recently saw on Ted.com about how you SHOULDN'T tell people your goals because it gives you a false sense of accomplishment.  Maybe it's weird, but I'm willing to give it a try -plus I really want to see this one through!   ...and no, it's not a fitness/weight loss goal.   Does this concept of "keeping your goals to yourself" intrigue you? Is it already your approach?  I'd be curious to hear how others go about achieving their goals...

  
Get the house really clean BEFORE the New Year
(ALMOST DONE)

• Housework is never "done", but I have a few things on my list that, if I finish by tomorrow, will also contribute to the feeling of getting a leg up on the new year.  Having my house in order [finally] makes me feel like this: 

Source:  "Dance at Dusk" by icklemissmerry (click)

 Try Something New & Fun

AND Simple

(DONE)



MUFFIN 

TIN

PIES!

Of course I would use my grossest muffin tin...

•  How cute is this idea?  I bought some pie crust (homemade is always better, but, you know)...and just put some cherry filling inside.  A little egg wash and sprinkling of sugar on top and....VOILÁ!   So easy and good, especially with a scoop of ice cream. 

So, that's about it for the Christmas Challenge.  A friend of mine did a recap of the holidays and posted it on her blog.  The things she will and will not do next year.  I like that idea.  I might post a list of my own just so I can make next year even more fun!

But that's a challenge for tomorrow...

stocking update

I finished them.

They look terrible.  I have no patience!  I can only rip a seam so many times.  

I lost the instructions that came with them, and some of the material...so I was learning as I went, and making adjustments here and there

:Sigh:

I'm too embarrassed to take pictures of them. 


I love the idea of making things.  But, maybe I just shouldn't.  One year I tried to a crochet an afghan as a gift for someone.  I couldn't make it easy...noooooo...I had to come up with my own design.  Even though I hadn't yet mastered so much as a granny square.

I didn't sleep at all for 24 hours before Christmas, trying to frantically finish this project.

It looked hideous.  It was way longer than it was wide, none of the shapes matched up, it just looked so bad.  I was pretty embarrassed, but I gave it anyway.

The recipient was more than gracious about it.  

But really, it just looked so awful.

I can just see the conversation - My kids reminiscing many years from now, when I am long gone:

• "Remember how our mom would try to make stuff and how bad she was at it?"  

• "Yeah, like our stockings that are falling apart?  Mine barely resembles the shape of a foot.  And what's up with the safety pin?  Why didn't she just fix that part?"

•  . . . "And how about our Christmas pajamas with the different leg lengths?  They never made it to February."

I think my whole life I've been fighting a losing battle.  But I can't help it.  I love crafty things!  I'm learning (slowly) that I should keep my crafts to myself!

Christmas Memory #4? Tchickoffee

So remember that toffee I made?  Well, I had it on the table on the back porch, because it's cold outside, and out there I have room to store the pans and pans of it that I made.  Sam was worried it would get wrecked or snowed on or something, so I brought it all in (I made LOTS) and put it in the only place that I had room for it.

The oven.

You know where this is going.

Turns out, that even if you melt it a little - like say, long enough to preheat your oven to 375ºF - you can cool it (on the back porch where you should have left in the first place, like you do every year) and it turns into toffee again!   WAHOO! Except, if you are not regular about cleaning your oven (which I am so not)  it will also taste like the last thing/s you baked in there.

Which, for me, was chicken and rice. 

Mmmm, a two course meal in one bite. 
Reminds me of...

 [Love this drawing by El Lohse.  Her artwork can be purchased at her Etsy Shop: Elloh]

Ugh.  Sorry neighbors and friends.  No Christmas or New Year's toffee this year...lame, lame LAME!!!!!!!!!!!  I still have cards that say "Merry Christmas" on them.  You'll be getting them, eventually.  I'm not storing those in the oven.

 

I LOATHE throwing away food...all those precious ingredients.  All that time...wasted because of absentmindedness.  Do I just subconsciously love doing everything in my life twice?  Seriously.

When will I learn?
WHEN!

Christmas 2009 Memory #3 : Warning--This Post is Vomitrocious.

 

Sugarplums danced in their beds.

And all over our "hallway".

And all over Grammy's entry way rug.

And all over Jackie.  Twice.

Christmas morning came. We opened our gifts.  A perfect Christmas morning spent basking in our treasures, enjoying each other and the lovely quiet morning.   Our kitchen table looked like a messy, giant mound of random baked goods and candies intermixed with unwrapped cellophane and ribbons and crumbs.  It is from this heap we had our morning feast.  I remember sitting at the table, sifting through and picking out my favorite things (pretzel nut clusters, homemade caramels and cookies) and looking across the table at my darling curly headed Eddie as he took a giant bite from his giant king size Snicker's bar- a stocking treat, and his favorite.  It occurred to me at that moment, that perhaps I should fix something more wholesome for my family to eat.  I said to Eddie, "Would you like me to fix you some oatmeal, or eggs and toast or a smoothie?"  "Nah, this is good" he says and takes another bite.

Stop.

I know better (and not because of the clarity of hindsight).  I knew better then.  I even thought about it as I watched Eddie eat his king sized breakfast of empty calories.  About how the strength of my children's immune systems are affected by their diets. 

 But hey, there was tons of "food" lying around and I didn't feel like making another mess.  What's that saying about "the price you pay now is the cheapest price in town"?  or that one that says,  "Listen to that voice and take care, because if you don't you may be covered in someone else's vomit at 3am tomorrow morning".

Yeah, that's a good one to remember.  Days of junk food and late nights led to a Christmas night puke-fest.  Jack, though never actually being sick, had a miserable night as well.  It's a funny story, but he caught me writing about it and made me swear I wouldn't post it (yet). 

The Sowman's Christmas Present by Irma Wilde, 1951

We eventually slept soundly.

And all the little dears have recovered pretty well.

Time for some real food and a good sleep schedule.

I Am Always Sorry...

When I start talking about anything I'm passionate about (or even if I just happen to be in a good mood). I make a complete fool out of myself and make other people extremely uncomfortable.

OBNOXIOUS!!!

I should either:

• ALWAYS keep my mouth shut, OR
  

• Talk while sitting on my hands, to remind me to settle down for loony-sakes.

You might be wondering if, by posting this, I'm looking for some kind of consolation and validation for my behavior. I probably am. I really am THAT insecure about social situations.

I know it's my personality and unlikely that I will change. Some people think it's hilarious and entertaining when I get all worked up, but most people just tend to feel like they are suddenly being chewed out. Who wants that? Nobody - that's who. And as for the group who find it entertaining? I'd rather be funny on purpose.

I really need to learn to control myself.

I'm tired and feeling overwhelmed about the many, many improvements I could make on my character, and all the work in general that needs to be done this week... So what do I do?

I blog about it.

Pointless.

The only reasonable thing to do is go to bed.
Goodnight.
~M

Mystery Solved...

Why I can't lose those last 10 pounds (or 15 now, probably)~
Why I'm so tired all the time~
Why I can't shake this head cold~

Here is what I've eaten today (all by 11:30 am):

• 3 Little Caesar's crazy breadsticks, plus a bite of cold pizza
  
• 1 Diet Coke
  
• 2 Fun Sized Almond Joy Bars (or was it three?)
  
• 1 Chocodile
  
• 1 Toaster Strudel
• ...And I'm pretty sure I forgot something.

I need serious help. I have managed to consume major calories without actually eating actual food, wow.

Embarrassing. See how I've made you feel better about yourself now? You're quite welcome.






Strangely enough, I am particularly embarrassed about the chocodile, because I don't even like those (Nasty!). But I did when I was a kid and so I thought I'd give it another go. I apparently don't believe in logic.

Or essential nutrients.

I have a headache.

P.S. The real question is this: How on EARTH have we managed to collect and house this bunk? I don't spend money this, this, crap-food! (Except the pizza. And the coke. And the Almond Joys)...Oh. now I'm beginning to see.

Hoochie Mama

Oh, COME ON!!!
It's just not funny anymore.

Today at church I led the music for the whole congregation in sacrament meeting AND stood up to share my testimony...

Then I came home and looked in the mirror and this is what I saw:

My green satin shiny shirt, busted open at the fullest part of my chest revealing a big, gaping hole.

Sheesh.

Oh, and it's not the first time.

I'm not even bosomy for crying out loud!

Addendum to post below...

I apologize to all the dentists and health conscious folks I may have offended. Like I always tell my children, one should never call names.

In fact, I advocate both clean teeth and nutritionally dense foods. But I think there are some occasions you just don't mess with.

~M

I dropped the ball....again.

This DARLING image can be found and others purchased by clicking HERE!)

I apologize. You know who you are (all of you).

I'll do better. I promise I'll open my planner EVERY DAY from now on, and I CERTAINLY WILL NOT GO an entire week without looking. Never again.

I will not be a flakeIwillnotbeaflakeIwillnotbeaflake...


UGH - I think I may be hopeless. But I'll keep trying.

You'll be getting a call.

~M

That was dumb.

Yesterday's post was silly. All day I was wishing I could come home and erase it.

oh well.

But I liked the comments about the names. I certainly hope I didn't offend anyone in that regard. Names are important and have personal meaning...

That's all.
M

The New Children's Healthcare Program...(Oh, and Another Way in Which I Am Just A Little Insane).

* There are photos of blood and puss in the form of open wound. You were warned.

Who needs doctors?

Eddie has been dealing with a nasty infection in his leg for about two weeks. Here's the quick rundown:

1. Went hiking with the cousins and got a "scrape" (It looked like a scrape anyway, and a little swollen).
2. It got worse, red, white lines which lead to: Doctor. Culture. Antibiotic.
3. Culture shows nothing. But he stays on antibiotic because-
4. I go out of town. He dutifully and responsibly takes it (a 4x daily dose).
5. I come home and check it out. It looks WAY better, except:
6. Now he's got a hole in his leg, hard around the edges, still oozing puss.
7. Doctor app.: Possible foreign body. Ordered to soak it (3x daily) and come back Friday.
8. Soaking tonight. I can't leave it alone. I clean a needle and mess around with the hard puss around his sore.
9. Eddie HATES this (it's really sensitive). And begs me to stop. He tells me if I just let HIM remove the tiny hard puss ball with some tweezers, then we can continue.

10. Tweezers cleaned,I hold the leg and Eddie-Steady (his new, earned nickname), starts to remove the tiny "puss ball" by himself.

THIS IS WHAT EDDIE PULLED OUT OF HIS LEG (and this is what I said as he was doing it):

" OH! "

" MY! "

" HECK! "

We cheered, hi-fived, and Eddie shed a couple of tears of joy. We will be heading back to the doctor's to make sure we got it all, and make sure we didn't do more harm than good.

We are very proud of our boy's first foreign body removal.

**************************************
****************************
**************************************

And now...

AVERYLONG SIDE NOTE REGARDING MY PATHOLOGICAL NEED TO BE LIKED:

Albert Einstein is said to have described insane behavior as thus;
"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over, expecting to get a different result"

Many of you who know my history with our pediatrician are undoubtedly scratching their heads. For those of you not privy, I will briefly elucidate:

Our Ped? Well, she's kind of a scaredy-cat. She wouldn't even remove stitches from Ada's chin. (Another long story which ends in me swearing to the heavens in front of all those in listening range that that was IT!!! No more. Over my DEAD body will I ever return to that place. "I WILL find a new doctor!" I vowed.

That was 4 years ago. Nothing has changed. Every time I go to see her for some kind of minor injury, she sends me to people way over qualified, with extremely busy and/or time consuming schedules. Still, after these many years, I have yet to keep my impassioned vow of finding a replacement. Why?

The honest truth is, I don't want to hurt her feelings. I realize how pathetic (and expensive AND wasteful of my precious, precious time) this reasoning is.

Listen folks, she employs a nurse that I absolutely adore. This nurse all but came to my house to help me with appointments and care when the twins were babies and visiting so frequently. She genuinely loves my kids, keeps track of our lives and is just plain awesome.

And our doctor? She gives endless praise about how brilliant and beautiful my children are, how thin I am for having had twins and even commented today on how Eddie could easily be a doctor himself someday...or anything he wanted. He's just so smart. So clever. So wonderful. My vanity, which regularly subdues plain logic, is unwilling to quit such effusive flattery. Even when she is too chicken to take a few little stitches out (or a jumbo splinter). I know it's ridiculous. I know I really need to change doctors.

I'm, well, I'm just embarrassed now.

SO HERE'S MY NEW SOLUTION:
I suppose I could just call Debbie (the nurse) and she if she wants to go to lunch sometime. She'd be a nice friend to have.

Maybe I'll find a new doctor (for those minor injury situations) but still continue seeing our timid, but kind, Pediatrician once a year for the well-child check ups (and positive strokes)...

You're still scratching your head, I just know it.

8 Hour Camping Trip...

THE RAFT RIVER MOUNTAINS
(The pictures are better if you click on them)

It was an adventure. We decided to explore a place we'd never been before.

The 3 hour (meaning 5 hour) drive there was scenic and beautiful. We searched and drove through the mountains trying to find public land where we knew we could legally make camp... and also maybe find some good fishin' on Grouse Creek. (more great pictures found here).

No real luck on the fishing part. We eventually decided to get out and wander around a bit.

Then we found a "road":


And drove to this beautiful ridge, potentially great for camping. We spent some time there
wandering around and then we voted to drive back home, barbecue in the backyard and watch the neighbor's* fireworks. It was a good thing we did too, because by 10:30, I was really nauseous and coming down with a fever.

.

I'd show pictures of the 4th...but I was feeling crummy that day, and when I finally dragged the camera out- it was out of batteries. Just like me ;).

I'm hoping my prepared sisters in law will send me some. They took some cute photos.

Sam has two sisters in town, spouses and hubbies in tow. It's a Carter Cousin Reunion like you wouldn't believe and my kids are in heaven! It's been busy and fun. I will try to take some photos before they go back home.

*Totally Unrelated Post Script:

Grammar question: About the above mentioned neighbor's fireworks.... it's possessive, but how do I write it? neighbors, neighbors' neighbor's........anyone? I know it's only one of many grammatical errors on this page. It's just the one that's bugging me most. If anybody would like to help me out, that would be great. I think Sam stopped reading my blog because I acted annoyed by his proofreading ;)...now I miss his help.

So....

guess how my goals are going?

The only word I can think of, is 'KERSPLAT'.

The end.
Sort of.

I'm supposed to be camping right now. But we are home. It's not a long story, but it's not an interesting story either, so I'll spare you the details.

We got some great pics though, that I will post shortly...

M

Corrections to post below...

I grossly exaggerated. It was an innocent mistake.

Sam "lovingly" brought this to my attention this morning. I'm not good at taking constructive criticism. We debated about this. Arguments to follow.

CORRECTION ONE:

It was a 99 SECOND hot dog. (Confirmed via Ed).

CORRECTION TWO:

Sam informed me that "Ethyl" was a misspelling. That it should be "Ethel" with an "E" since the first version is usually used to describe Ethyl alcohol (emphasis added to make a point). I protested, convinced I'd only ever seen a person spell their name with a "y".

I tried to prove my point by Googling "a girl named EthYl". And found a few. Only a few though and one was the name of a dog. Ugh. So then I told him maybe our Ethyl IS spelled with a "Y"... But no. He saw her name on the door.

So as I'm typing these corrections, I am simultaneously being teased to high heaven. It went something like this:

SAM
Ethyl. Hahahahahaha! Oh! I think I'll name my daughter Ethyl, kuz I like's ma Alkee-Hol, hahahahha! And so on. (I admit, this made me laugh)...

ME
I am ONLY changing the name because it was spelled "Ethel" on her door. Otherwise I would keep it. If my name were Ethyl, I'd want it spelled with a "y". It just looks better.

SAM (rubbing my shoulders, kissing me on the head. Still laughing)
"Kuz you likes your Alkee-Hol?" (Ha. Ha.)

ME (later on. After thinking for a minute)
"Besides," I said. "There are SOME people named Ether".

SAM
::No words. Just A Big. Bursting. Guffaw::

I let him get my goat. What can I say? He knows all my buttons...

**Corrections have been made in previous post.**

Now, can anyone tell me how you block someone (say, a spouse) from reading your blog?