Christmas 2009 Memory #1: "Marmee..."

I was newly married when I first read Little Women.  I loved it.  A story of women being and doing good, exemplifying loyalty, strength, devotion, charity and fostering relationships.  The girls were influenced by a strong and kind mother whom they referred to as Marmee.

After finishing that book, I began occasionally calling my mother "Marmee".  Why?  Because, like Margeret March, she is an exceptional lady.  She really tries to be kind and good.  And she actively raised her children to adopt those philosophies.  Even in hard days,  as a young mom working full time and doing internships for school and really trying to make ends meet, she taught us the importance of giving.  She taught us (mostly by example) that no material possession is worth clinging to, but should be given freely to one who is in need.  And further, not to judge, but to give because it is our responsibility to be giving.  She taught us that everyone deserves love and a listening ear, and a break.

During the holidays especially, she tried to provide opportunities for her children to give and serve.

*We went to homeless shelters and churches and served soup.
*I remember when I was about 10 or so, we hid in a back room as Santa's elves ready to pick out gifts from the Christmas bags for homeless kids. 
*I remember going to someone's home while they were away (an outing arranged by my mother) and cleaning their house  and other secret services depending on her friends' needs.

She really wanted us to see what we have.  It was more than that, though - She taught us (and teaches us), that it is not about us having and others not having.  There is no need for self-righteous acclamation upon our offerings of service.  We are all in need.  This is why we must give.  It is in the giving that we really understand who we are and why we are here.




Jesus, when giving His sermon on the Mount said;

"But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth."

-Matthew 6:3

My Marmee.

-My boys and my Marmee, Thanksgiving Day 2009-

Once I was at a family gathering.  My mother (who was not present) came up in the conversation.  Story after story began emerging of quiet acts of kindness and help she gave.  We were all surprised to hear that each of us had been helped and quietly cared for.  She doesn't think about it or mention it or act like it's a sacrifice.  And I know there are times when nobody knows.

To her siblings, she is known as the truly compassionate one.  It's because she is not afraid to seek out those who are left alone in the dark trenches socially, mentally, physically, spiritually.  She doesn't shirk from trying to revive and to help them.  To love them.

And it's not only during Christmastime.  My dear Marmee is like that all the time.

I guess this isn't exactly a 2009 memory.  But this season I felt a keener sense of gratitude for her example.  It is one I am determined to better live up to.


I'm very, very lucky she is my Marmee.

Extension:

I figured out what I'm going to do to continue Lent.

I'm going to continue...Lent. No more sweets until May 8th (so far).

I didn't mention this before, but my cousin also has gestational diabetes and loves treats as much as I do, but can't have any. So, it feels right for me to keep going - well, minus the 4 day hiatus ;).


P.S. I think this bunny is adorable. Melinda got this for her baby boy. It sleeps on her bed at night now, and will stay with baby in the hospital, after he's born.

ReLENT For Baby Boy: Will You Join Me?

I Keep getting the question;

"SO HOW'S IT GOING NOW THAT LENT IS OVER?"

:: Tatertot enjoying Easter provisions ::

I've noticed many of you asking with a half-grin and raised eyebrows. I know what you're really trying get at. You want to know if I've since binged myself into a mind fuzzing stupor. Well, yes I have. Okay? And I was at peace with my almost constant sugar-stuffing until I tried to go to a cycle class yesterday.

QUESTION:
What do you get when you combine months of NO exercise with a 3 day diet of Chocolate eggs and Girl Scout cookies?

ANSWER:
A soft-fleshy-sweaty-purple-faced lady, hovered over her bike, dizzy and shamelessly moaning while trying as hard as she can to not throw up in a hot (very hot) small, enclosed room nauseously crammed with people. Even during the stretch at the end I just sat on the moist, gritty floor, hunched over.

But I don't embarrass that easily, so it's all good.
And I learned from it. I will never exercise again. :)

QUESTION: Just now, when you read the word 'question' - did Dwight's voice come into your head?

But I digress (it's my nature, please forgive.)

.~***~.

MY POINT IN THIS POST IS THAT I DID IT. I REALLY DID IT! 45 DAYS WITHOUT TREATS OR DESSERTS. IF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE TREATS YOU MIGHT WONDER HOW IT WAS EVEN POSSIBLE. I WILL SHARE MY SECRET:

HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL AT LENT

A gal we'll call, HelloKitty (a Lent pro), helped me with this: Basically, you need to find someone to pray for. Whatever you give up, do it for that person. Every time you are tempted to give in, you can use that opportunity to pray/help/call/etc. the person for whom you are fasting or "Lenting". Doing Lent this way gives greater meaning a purpose to your chosen method of self-denial for the 40 day period. And one feels more compelled to stick with it, doing it this way.

Get it?

I chose my cousin Melinda.

:: Expecting Mother by Razia Gershon, brass (click) ::

Melinda is my bosom cousin. We are 6 months apart in age. We practically have the same name for heaven sakes. We've always lived a good 30 miles apart but growing up, we managed to spend whole summers together, taking the city bus if we had to. She's been a really, really good friend. She's also expecting a baby boy in a few weeks. And Baby has a tumor.

She found out through ultrasound that her baby possibly has a neuroblastoma. Her baby, has a tumor. And it's a big one (if it is a neuroblastoma, they are considering it a stage 3).

Can you imagine having to deal with something like this? Melinda is such an amazing example of keeping great perspective and patience in such a trying time. Nobody is quite sure how to treat the situation. So far, They (doctors and other medical professionals) have been watching the baby carefully, monitoring his growth as well as the growth of the tumor.

I did Lent for her, which has ended. But it's not over for Melinda. She's going to be induced May 7th (39 weeks gestation, thankfully!). The baby will be taken straight to Primary Children's Medical Center, and then they'll try to figure out the best course of action.

I'M PUTTING THIS ON MY BLOG BECAUSE:

• I believe in prayer.

• I believe in miracles.

• I believe in the power of collective consciousness reaching out for good.

• Someone out there may know something about this situation, or may know someone who knows someone. I think the hardest part of all this (for Melinda) is feeling like everyone is in the dark about what to do. No one she's met (yet) has really seen this before.

SO WILL YOU JOIN ME IN "CONTINUING LENT" (sort of)?

::"Hold My Heart" photo by Helga. Check out her Flickr page, here::

Anything that you feel will help. Prayer, fasting, karma-whooshing (okay, I made that term up, but you know what I mean, right?), a candle-light vigil, the burning of smudge sticks, some first-hand knowledge on unusually large neuroblastomas in unborn babies...

As soon as I get off this dang computer, I'm going to find something that will remind me to think of her EVERY day. And not forget. So I will remember to pray, or call, or show up and babysit her darling little girl, SOMETHING...

I'll let you know what I come up with. Ideas are welcome. :)

[.~***~.]

Mouse in the Pudding Sauce...

I was admiring my wedding ring while driving today (I know, not so smart).

Here was my crazy, day-dreaming thought process...

I was thinking that if Sam died, I don't think I'd ever marry again. Because I wouldn't be able to let go of my ring. Because the day I got that ring was the day all my fondest dreams started to become a reality. (Awwww...)

Thinking about my life and family, my eyes welled with pathetic tears of love, and as I sealed in my heart a fervor of complete fidelity towards Sam whether living or dead, I looked up to the heavens ---and then I SLAMMED on my brakes because I noticed that the light had changed and I was about to be the one doing the widow-making.

***
I also nearly crashed my car the day after I became engaged, gazing at my new token of impending nuptials. I was never much of a jewelry wearer in my younger days and so having a sparkly diamond on my hand was quite the distraction.

Why am I writing about this? Who knows.

I just wanted to write something down. I keep intending to write about Lent. (Yes, I'm still doing it). But it's hard for me. I don't know. I'm either really stuck spiritually or on the verge of some serendipitous, life-changing epiphany. I honestly can't tell which it is yet.

One thing is for sure - I've got to work on keeping my head out of the clouds and watch the road.

And if my title makes any sense at all to you, then we are kindred spirits and I ask you with all the maternal concern I can muster; Please keep your eyes on the road and your mind to the task.

:)

For the Record...

Let's just be clear. I have NOT flubbed or cheated. I have NOT eaten any girl scout cookies. I have RESISTED temptation ! I must have credit for this!

I did, however, inhale a few cake crumbs. The last piece of Monday's spice cake was just sitting there so pretty, on a glass cake stand, on my counter. I walked by it a hundred times yesterday morning and decided that I've at least got to smell it.

So I lifted the lid-thingy (I know it has a specific name) and stuck my nose up to the cake. But I was a little too eager about it and practically crammed my nose inside the thing. One deep breath in and next thing you know I'm in a coughing, gagging fit.

It was worth it. Spicy and sweet. So good.

But I haven't cheated.....yet!!!!

I Tried To Mentally Prepare For Lent.

I really did.

I thought of every possible temptation for goodies: Sam's brother is coming home from serving a two year - LDS mission and there will definitely be treats, (good ones) when the whole family gathers. Several birthdays will be celebrated this month. The super markets will be stocked with Easter treats.

I prepared for all of it and decided I could do without. In my mind, I visualized myself saying no, moving on. I decided that I could and would.

But.

I forgot one really big temptation. And was reminded when I listened to my messages the other day:

"Hi, Melissa this is Abigail. The cookies are in and Ada's order is ready to be picked up..."

The Girl Scout cookies!

Clearly, whoever decided cookie season was in March, is/was not Catholic. Or, they enjoy a sardonic sense of humor (which I respect, entirely).

I can do it. I can just save some for later, right?

The last two nights I have had dreams that I've eaten something I shouldn't have and don't realize it in until after it's well down the gullet. Silly as it sounds, it isn't an unreasonable prospect. Reaching for candies and cakes and pastries, anything sweet- is second nature, I do need to be careful!

Ah....Lent.

It is Ash Wednesday Today...A Quick Update.

DAY 1

So all you folks who said they wanted to participate in Lent with me...

The time has come.
Are you still in?

I already quit drinking caffeine 11 days ago (and a horrible, horrible week it was). I feel like I'm just barely coming out of some serious withdrawals. I saw my mother at work this morning and she waved a diet coke in front of my face and said something like, "Mmmmm, soooo delicious".

Hilarious. I think I actually drooled.

Anyway, since the idea is to quit diet coke/energy drinks for(gulp)EVER - I've decided to give up desserts, sweets, candy, etc. for the next 40 days.

(I expect a major gasp here).

I expected bulging eyes and gasping due to shock and amazement when I told my husband last night. But he really didn't seem impressed by my lofty goal. This could be for a couple of reasons:

*My track record of "quitting" things and "sticking to the plan" when it comes to stuff like this, is poor. I in fact, have never stuck to a plan like this. Ever. We're talking 0 out of 1,476 attempts.

OR

*Perhaps it's because he doesn't see how much candy and/or dessert I consume in one day. Three candy bars a day is not unusual. Serious. Occasionally he'll go to throw something away and noticing all the tiny gold, bite-sized Snickers wrappers in the garbage can, he says something like, "Where are all these wrappers coming from? " And I just smile, sheepish and guilty. I think he believes he's the only one that's been left out, but really - the kids don't usually get any of the goods either.

I probably need an intervention, but I'm going to try Lent first.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about it. I'm super busy right at the moment and have to rush.
I'm just posting to show that I haven't forgotten my goal.

Preparing Sunday's Roast:

How many onions have I cut up since I chose this life?
How many times have I felt the sting in my eyes until they burn wet?
How many more will I prepare?
How many meals will come from my hands?

I realize I have no way of guessing.

I slice, turn the gathered layers, and chop. Redolence expands throughout the room. A meal is coming.
My hands, the onions- both come from the same place, and I wonder how I can make my skin shine like sunrise and earth turned into silk paper.

(This is what I’m thinking about.)

Lola

How many dinners did she prepare? I know her eyes burned. I saw it happen.
And what about her mother?
Do my hands look like hers?
Were they this dry in the winter? Surely they were cold.

Mary

Always, a meal was coming.
I remember her hands were soft.
I know her hands were cold in winter. I saw it happen.
She must have cut into so many onions, maybe.

I have no way of guessing.

Taking another and peeling the gold leafing, I think to myself once again –
It’s worth the sting.

All of it.

Waiting For Me...

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation is on the hold shelf at the library, with my name on it.

Because I need it so badly.

I also need some suggestions on a really good grammar book. And by good, I mean user-friendly. And by user-friendly, I mean a book with bold print one-liners and great pictures/cartoons.

I take a ridiculous amount of time formulating a sentence. I struggle and fret, trying to translate my thoughts into something that is somewhat comprehendable. At which point, I discover that I've once again made up a word. (Comprehensible, comprehensible, comprehensible...sheesh!)

In Little Women, Amy used to frequently make up words by mistake. But making up words is only cute when you're 9 or so - Not when you're 30...or so.

Anyway.

I don't need to be a brilliant writer like my husband. I'd just like to have better command of the English language and be able to deliver my ideas with greater clarity, without having to second guess every comma (and I use those commas, Boy...). I think I would enjoy blogging more. It's just too time consuming right now.

And so I have a new resolution: I RESOLVE TO LEARN ENGLISH. Focusing (for now) on punctuation and grammar. I will worry about vocabulary later. I just can't deal with that right now. :)


(Grammar suggestions requested, in the form of book titles, websites, or general tips/complaints.)

Monkey On, Monkey Off....Monkey On.

Oy.

I was going to write of my caffeine addiction and my numerous (as in manymanymanymany) attempts to stop consuming it. So I began making this "brief" timeline and half-way through I realized brevity in this context was impossible, and besides, posting a history of my caffeine intake is not really the desired objective of this post.

The objective, then?

MY DILEMMA:

I would like to quit the stuff (energy drinks and soda). But I've made this rule not to make any resolutions that I've ever made before (well shucks.) And they have to be resolutions I can be excited about (um, not excited about withdrawals). What to do, what to DO?

(Yes, I took a picture of myself. It's my blog and I can be as cool or lame as I want.)


Well folks,
WE ALL ARE GIVEN GIFTS, AND MINE - IS FINDING THE LOOPHOLE.
(and i found it)


::: LENT :::


Thaaaat's right. I've never participated Lent before! In fact, I don't even know what it really means. From this outsiders point of view it's basically three-fold:

1. You give up something you love, or think you need (i.e. hyped-up, fizzy syrup). Like a fast.
   
2. By going without, you focus on higher things. (A pretty cool idea).
   
3. It doesn't start until March-ish (many weeks to gear myself up for a challenge) and lasts 40 days (as in, not forever).
   

A "new" goal and a new adventure.
A PERFECT RESOLUTION


Anyone want to participate in Lent with me? (Anyone?...Anyone? Bueller?)
If you did, what would you go without?

*A POST SCRIPT REALITY CHECK:

I'm perfectly aware that this whole idea only feels exciting and doable because I don't have to give up anything for another 5 FULL weeks. We'll just see if I feel like walkin' the talk come February 24th...

Marking The Beauty: The Bushman World Ukulele Video Contest

Last year, while looking for Ukulele tutorials on Youtube, I stumbled upon this video of a darling college student who was submitting her entry to the Bushman World Ukulele Video Contest (click here to watch Julia Nunes' aweseomeness). Seriously, she's a fun girl. She's done covers from the Beach Boys, to The Killers, to Kanye West. Go ahead and watch it, I'll wait....

Okay, so she totally won 1st place and she continued submitting songs on YouTube. Long story short, she basically became YouTube famous, selling CDs and even OPENED FOR BEN FOLDS ( I know, how awesome is that?).

And so to mark the Beauty of the Ukulele (4 reasons follow):

1.

Ukulele = Beauty.
The sound invokes in me a feeling so mellow and happy. There is no sound like it.

You know that scene in Lilo and Stitch, when Stitch is completely wild and out of control, and then Lilo strums the Uke once, and he instantly melts onto the ground? It's a funny scene. And it's just like that for me.


2.
People who put themselves out there and create great music = Beauty

Here is a beautiful case in point
(These girls are this year's 1st place winners)

Go ahead and watch it - you'll be so glad you did!

3.

The Bushman World Ukulele Video Contest Exists and that, is a Beautiful Thing.
Check out the winner list and their videos here

4.

Being Inspired to Make a New Resolution = Beauty:

I RESOLVE to learn one song, on my Ukulele, each month this year. YAY! That will be 12 new songs to add to the 2 I know now ;).

*January's song: Jason Mraz's I'm Yours (That's for you Uncle Ed. I expect you to sing it once I learn it.)

Happy Day!