Can it Be Saturday Now?

I need to vent a little  a LOT and I will start by sharing an aspect of my personality I'm not particularly proud of:

I resist making big goals, or more accurately, I resist working hard toward big goals, because I'm afraid of failure.

If I fail at a goal that I sort of approached willy-nilly, then I have my reason for failing - I didn't really try, so big deal.  Somehow I've perceived that notion as much better than really giving my all and in the end not being good enough.   I know that's ridiculous, that this fear of failure is what's keeping me from bigger and better things.

In that light and with a desire to really change how i "do life" - I made one of my resolutions in January to complete a race that is well beyond my physical capabilities (or was at the time).  It's one that I've wanted to do for a long time.

I've been working toward this goal since then and now Saturday is D-day.  The day where I get to see what I'm made of.  It's not like I'm even trying to win the thing.  I just want to finish, is all.  That would be a big deal for me.  That's my goal. 

This week leading up to it has been dreadful.  I am having a terrible case of the "what-ifs".  If I don't accomplish this goal, I won't know how to handle it.  Because I actually worked for this one.  Maybe not perfectly, but diligently.  I kept it as a real focus - despite time constraints,  injuries (a bike crash) and lack of sleep (3:45am start times) - I kept moving toward this goal.  What if it's all for not in the end, HUH???

Then there's my competitive nature.  My PRIDE...  There have been a few, who upon hearing of my goal, took one shocked look up and down my fleshy, middle aged frame and actually asked me stupid questions, like,  "You realize how long that race is, don't you?"  or "Do you even know how to swim?" or  "Oh wow.  I hope you've been training!" 

Dee. You. Eytch.

Yeah, I'd love to stick it to those haters. ;)



UGH.  Why can't I just be fun?  Just go and have an adventure, see what happens? 

Come Saturday morning I will be in a better state of mind, I know I will.  Until then, I have this knot in my gut that is driving me crazy!!!

I suppose that if I don't (for whatever reason) finish - it will be good for me to have pursued a goal, long term, and measure those results.  It's not a loss.  It's not for nothing!
And really, in this way, I suppose I've already met my main goal - changing the way I approach things, giving something a GO - really going after it, seeing what I'm made of.


Okay, now I feel better.  Wish me luck!!!

It's Cooler Than You Might Think...

Yep. Thaaat's right. Jazzercise Baby!

My mother in law has been going to classes for a while (and really enjoying it). So, just before the New Year, I decided to try it out. It's one intense, full-body workout! I've been pretty regular the last month, and I've got to say- I'm hooked!


Top 10 Reasons Why I love Jazzercise

10. You actually make "Jazz Hands" while working out (at least I do. Hey, it's JAZZ-ercise).

9. I love to shake my Booty - and now I've found a whole bunch of like-minded folks who can't sit still when the music is playin'!

8. I sweat buckets. EVERY single part of my body gets a workout. My posture is improving. (k-that's 3 things, I know).

7. I just feel SOOO good the whole rest of the day!

6. I love how my teacher uses ballet terms, "first position, fourth position" etc. It makes me feel dainty, long
and graceful, like a ballerina... and I rarely feel dainty.

5. No mirrors. (Just an excellent teacher who gives great feedback).

4. I'm learning French (shah-say, rele-vay, plee-ay). I'm not learning how to spell French.

3. I love seeing Cristie, Lizzie, Valerie and even Alison when she's in town. They keep me going and are fun girls to boogie with!

2. I'm truly, honest-to-goodness, NOT doing it for weight loss.

1. Because my kids came along with me today and thought I was so cool. To them, it was like I was rehearsing for "Highschool Musical XV: The Golden Years". They also suddenly think I'm buff and tuff.

A short conversation following class today:

• Ada: "Mom, let me see your muthles." (she has a bit of a lisp)
• :: MOM FLEXES::
• Ada (raises eyebrows & smiles as though impressed): "Oooooh, bumpy! Niiithe!"
  

**P.S.** I liked this conversation because 1) she's so adorable. And 2) I don't want her thinking that I exercise because I think I'm fat - or because I need to fix myself in some way. I'm glad she seems to equate exercise with being strong and feeling good. Having a girl has really opened my eyes about body image and how much I should appreciate who I am. But that's a Soapbox-Blog for another day.

mama is back...

"In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties"
-Henri Fredric Amiel-

I have never been so grateful to feel well.

* Bo Bartlett - Siren Song - 2000*